ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
