apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
