I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
