Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
