anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
