Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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