when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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