She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he fucked my hip out of place.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize