so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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