I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
please don't ironically join a cult
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