You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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