Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
