And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
