She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
