My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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