When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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