I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Too much gin, very little bucket
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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