The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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