Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
