The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
