its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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