id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
