Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
