I am midnight drunk by noon
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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