We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A+ Viking dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
