We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we should paint friendship bongs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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