Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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