Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
