I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
