I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
