He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize