I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The air was thick with penises
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
