i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to calm my uterus...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize