Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
nutella sex= disaster
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
