I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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