cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
