I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
