It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
