I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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