My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
