college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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