I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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