if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
