i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
