I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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