Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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