apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
