it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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