I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
