Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
