i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
