Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
