My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
