yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my liver is dry heaving
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
