Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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