have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
