It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
