He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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