She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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