I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
