I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
