Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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