no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
