I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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