I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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