it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
