I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im part way to drunk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
