watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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