Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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