the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
