I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
