i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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